Relationship Journal: Don't grow apart. GROW TOGETHER.
They say "we grew apart" or "we became more like mates". Relationship is more than just living together, having quality time, buying a house or planning a baby...
It takes two to tango. In order to avoid growing apart it's important to work on growing together.
How do you grow together?
Often two people get together and think that's the ultimatum of their relationships. They stop learning about each other because they know "enough" to make a decision on whether the other person is marriage material, or not. Or they are already married and therefore they choose to step into the comfort zone of "life is sorted now".
Start Relationship Journal.
If you ever have written any type of journal - you know the benefits of doing it. If you haven't done it - try it! Journal will help you not only discover new things about your relationships but also about yourself. By writing things down you will activate your creativity and deeper answers.
Here’s how to do it:
Get a notebook. I use academic diary for my private journal, so every page has a date and that keeps me accountable to writing in it every day. For relationship journal, we used designed by me Relationship Journal (email me on Olga@newlifekickstart.com if you would like a hard copy of that). Just a blank notepad will do, too.
Agree on how often you would like to write in it with your partner. You can do it on a weekly basis (ideally), fortnightly or monthly.
Come up with a set of 5-10 questions you would like to use if you are not using my Relationship Journal (there you can also add your own questions if you wish).
Write those questions on the first page of the journal, so you don't have to rewrite them every time you make notes. You can always change questions. In that case, I would suggest to rewrite them in full on a blank page and continue with new answers after that.
Start doing it TODAY. We all know that the more you delay with a new habit - the less chances you have to build it.
Here is a little example of what we have learned about ourselves and our relationship on our journey. One of the questions in our journal was: "What was the fear of the week".
My other half once said that for him it was about opening up emotionally. Sharing the thoughts and deepest fears. Because before, in his previous relationships he was interrupted and felt like he wasn't really listened to. He was amazed by how patient listener I was (is it professional, haha) and felt for the first time in his life being very connected to his other half.
Think, how often do you do it with your partner? Especially when men are raised being tough, being strong and unemotional. What a surprise women are complaining about men not sharing their feelings and emotions. Yes, it is not typical for men to do it anyways. Women naturally usually are more sensitive and nurturing. But it doesn't mean men can't share. It doesn't mean men can't open up. And here it's a skill itself for a couple to allow that to happen: women must give men space with opening up and time to gather their thoughts together on the asked question. It's not what he does every day. Give your man some time to get his emotions, feeling or memories together, just keep it quiet, don't jump in with "your examples" and your feelings. If you asked HIM - let HIM answer. Period.
My answer on the fear of the week was: what if we will grow apart, just like I did in my first marriage? When I first married I was 19. I didn't have any experience. I didn't have any knowledge. I didn't even know myself (can you relate?). I realised that my answer was based on my experience from my past, which surely builds a story: "couples grow apart". For me that realisation was priceless! I definitely didn't want my past to impact my (our!) future, so as a result, I replaced my old story with a new, supportive one: we ARE going to grow together through challenges, through being raw, being vulnerable, through being open and honest 100%.
Imagine what can you learn about yourself whilst you are growing together with Relationship Journal? Imagine the amazing results of knowing each other better, deeper.
Download a free 7-week challenge on Relationship Journal and transform your relationship!
Don't grow apart, grow together. Stay together. Keep it spicy.